Billy Crystal cracks wise about your daughter’s breasts. “Looks like your half-pint finally got herself a couple of jugs.” She’s only 14, Billy. What the hell is wrong with you? Billy Crystal smells like gasoline and looks like a sack of oil. “The problem with American girls is that they’re FUCKING UNGRATEFUL,” slurs Billy, bracing himself against a shelf of unlabeled VHS tapes. This is the last time you’ll ever go to a barbecue at Billy Crystal’s house.